the case of the terrible mother

At Juma's school, there's a little window that looks out to the parking lot called "the goodbye window." After parents drop off their kids, they go outside and stop by the window for one last wave goodbye. The teachers have found that this helps the kids cope with saying goodbye to Mom and Dad for the day.

A few weeks ago, I forgot to stop by the window. Completely blanked. Just went straight to the car and drove off. Juma waited at the window for me, but I never came. He got a little upset, a teacher noticed, and they agreed that Mama just forgot and that Juma would tell me so when we got home. He did and I apologized profusely.

Monday, I forgot again. After school, Juma told me so, angrily this time. To make it up to him, we pretended our living room window was the goodbye window, and I "dropped him off at school," met him at the window, walked off, returned and "picked him up from school." We repeated the game three times, though Juma could have gone on for an hour.

Tuesday, he reminded me, "Mom, don't forget the goodbye window. Don't just leave." He was worried. I told him, don't worry, I won't forget this time. On the way out the door, I met the school director and I told her Monday is Juma's last day because we're going to Tanzania. We talked for about thirty seconds, then I remembered Juma was waiting at the window.

I rushed over to find him crying. He thought I'd left, after all his worries and reminders. I apologized and mimed a hug and kiss through the window, and he turned away wiping away his tears, but better.

Could I be a worse mother?

Well, yeah, okay, I could. But there is nothing more heartwrenching than knowing you made your own kid cry from sadness. I reassured him that afternoon, told him why I had been late, and gave him extra hugs. He was okay with it.

Wednesday, Justin took him to school. Justin went straight to the goodbye window, but by the time he got there, Juma was already crying from worry. Oh, I've scarred him! Thursday, I took him again, and again, by the time I got to the window (about 10 seconds), tears were welling up. After school I asked him why he cried even though I came straight to the window. He said, "Well, I was waiting, not crying, and when you got there, my stomach was already crying." In four days, he'd formed a habit of worrying if Mom would say goodbye.

Today, Justin reported that he was fine. At lunchtime today, I'm going to bring in some donut holes for the whole class to say goodbye to Juma. Monday is his last day.