brush & floss; brush & floss; brush & floss...

Since we finally have insurance that covers dental check-ups, Justin suggested we make appointments with a dentist here in California. Just so we can get everything taken care of before we head to Tanzania. So...

1) I found the only place in the city that takes our insurance.

2) They were booked ahead for at least three months.

3) I found out the same non-profit dental provider has a branch in a town 45 minutes away.

4) I managed to get appointments with them for all three of us on Halloween.

5) We picked Juma up from school on the appointed day, and drove out there.

6) We didn't bring anything for Juma to prevent a meltdown in the car.

7) We didn't bring anything for Juma to prevent a meltdown in the office.

8) The address on the website and on mapquest didn't differentiate between I street and West I Street, so we got confused and lost and arrived late.

9) They didn't want to let Juma do anything more than get X-rays because we were late.

10) Justin exchanged appointments with Juma, so Justin got X-rays only.

11) Sarah and Juma got X-rays, and were told they have [Ashli, don't read this] 4 and 2 cavities, respectively.

12) The dental assistant told us "You need to start brushing Juma's teeth." We informed her we brush his teeth every morning and night. She said, "Then you need to brush them after every time he eats or drinks anything but water."

13) We went to schedule follow-ups for the fillings and Justin's exam. The next available date was January 7.

14) We begged and pleaded for an earlier date, but they wouldn't budge. We agreed to the date.

15) Then the receptionist asked when we want appointments for the fillings.

16) What the ^%$#@ are the appointments on January 7 for then?!?!

17) Cleanings.

18) Only.

19) So we asked for dates for fillings. January 27.

20) We're not supposed to be here by then.

21) We made the appointments anyway, with the promise that the receptionist would call us if there happen to be three cancellations on the same day.

22) We drove home.

23) All of that took six hours.

24) A few days later, we got a call about some cancellations and went in the next day.

25) The dentist filled ONE of Juma's fillings (he was perfect with only a shot) and ONE of Sarah's fillings. And told Justin he had four cavities, too.

26) That took 4 hours.

27) We realized they want us to come back FOUR MORE TIMES to do ONE FILLING EACH TIME.

28) We complained all the way home.

29) We found a friend of the family that would squeeze us in out of the kindness of his heart.

30) I called the out-of-town place to request our records be prepared so we could pick them up.

31) They said okay, we'll call you when they are ready.

32) I called them and said, I'm coming, get them ready.

33) I drove 45 minutes out there, popped in, grabbed the files, said thank you, and went back to the car.

34) The administrator ran after me, saying, Oops, I should have checked your ID.

35) I showed her my ID and got in the car. She went back inside.

36) As I was about to drive off, she approached again, saying she couldn't release Justin's records to me without his signing a release form first.

37) I explained he did sign one, the first time we were in, because we knew we might switch dentists from the beginning.

38) They could find no record of his signing any such form.

39) I protested, went inside, and tried to remember with the receptionist that we did sign the forms. Both of us remember the conversation where we discussed singing the forms, but she remembers us deciding not to right then, while Justin (I got Justin on the phone) and I remembered we did.

40) Still, there was no proof that we did. And HIPAA laws and HIPAA laws, after all.

41) The administrator explains to me then to Justin a way to get Justin's records to their sister office in Merced, then we could pick them up there by Thursday, the day of our appointment with the local dentist.

42) I realize we could just have Justin run to the local mailing store and have the dental office fax the release to him, and he could fax it back and I could go home with the records.

43) The administrator faxes the form to Justin. And we wait. And wait. And wait.

44) We have a little chat about Yale public health and how I could get a job at this non-profit.

45) I call Justin to see if he sent the fax. He had, and he was already back home, too. We figure out he sent it to the medical office's fax, not the dental office's, and the administrator has then fax it back to her.

46) Finally, I take the record and go.

47) By then, it's five o'clock and Justin's brother and his family are over for dinner, back in Merced.

48) I start driving, make an accidental turn, and in trying to correct it, I end up on a highway going north out of town instead of east, back toward Merced.

49) After at least a few miles, I realize my mistake. It's dark, so I can't tell direction by the sunset.

50) There are no turn offs. Just farms. And farms. And farms. I see some lights up ahead that make me think there's a right turn, so I decide to pull over there and consult a map.

51) There was no turn-off, just a bend.

52) I pulled over anyway, trying to ignore thoughts about women alone on secluded country roads, turned on my hazards, and grabbed a map.

53) No map of California, just one of the western states.

54) I found where the town had been, but the highway I was on did not appear on the map. Just not there. But I know I was northbound by the highway signs, so I figured I could keep going north, then cut right onto a highway that is on the map and that does go east to Merced.

55) It worked!

56) I took more wrong turns within Merced.

57) I got home just as the dinner guests were leaving.


Moral of the story?

Brush your teeth. A lot. And floss. And make appointments well in advance.

And get a GPS unit for the car.